[Door creaks open. Boyfriend steps inside with a nervous smile. Dog immediately halts mid-toy-chew, eyes widening.]
My Dog: (in an outrageously judgmental tone) "Excuse me. WHO authorized this entry?"
Me: (grinning nervously) "Baby girl, this is my boyfriend. Be nice, okay?"
My Dog: (side-eyes me, scandalized) "Boyfriend? You bring a man into my house without a background check?!"
Boyfriend: (chuckling, crouching down) "Hi there, pretty girl. You must be the boss around here."
My Dog: (raising an eyebrow) "‘Boss’? Oh no, honey. I’m the entire HR department, CEO, and Queen Mother combined."
Me: (snickering) "She's just being dramatic."
Boyfriend: (holding out hand) "I come in peace."
My Dog: (sniffing once, then dramatically gagging) "He smells like... AXE body spray and poor decisions."
Boyfriend: (mock offended) "Hey! It’s fancy cologne!"
My Dog: (ignores him, looks at me) "You let this near you? With your bare hands?"
Me: (giggling) "I like him!"
My Dog: (sighs dramatically, pacing) "First it’s liking him. Next thing you know, you’re sharing snacks and watching Netflix together. Where does it end?!"
Boyfriend: (laughing) "I brought her treats though!"
My Dog: (freezes, spins around) "You brought gifts?"
Boyfriend: (holding up a bag of dog treats) "Only the best."
My Dog: (snatching the bag, eyeing him thoughtfully) "Hmm. Bribery. Respectable tactic."
Me: (teasing) "So... do you approve?"
My Dog: (glaring at him) "Listen, buddy. I tolerate you for now. But hurt her feelings and I'll unleash a level of crazy you only read about in horror stories."
Boyfriend: (hands raised in surrender) "Message received, ma'am."
My Dog: (sitting regally on her throne-bed) "Good. Now, fetch me a snack and make yourself useful peasant."
Boyfriend: (muttering as he heads to the kitchen) "Already bossed around and I just got here..."
Me: (grinning ear to ear) "Welcome to the madness, babe."
My Dog: (calling after him) "AND MOJITO FOR THE QUEEN! Am sure she's thirsty." (Winks at me)
