Marsh
Active Ranker
1. Doctor: "You need to stop eating late at night." Me: "Okay." Doctor: "Starting tonight." Me: "Whoa... that's pretty late."
2. I asked my dog, "What's two minus two?" He said nothing.
3. My wallet is like an onion. Every time I open it, I cry.
4. Teacher: "If I had 10 chocolates and gave you 5, what would I have?" Student: "A fight."
5. My phone battery lasts longer than my motivation.
6. I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I'm okay... but I feel like I've dyed a little inside.
7. Friend: "Do you ever talk to yourself?" Me: "Yes, sometimes I need expert advice."
8. I cleaned my room and found ₹500. My mom: "See? Cleaning pays." Me: "Then you should do it more often."
9. I told my computer I needed a break. Now it won't stop showing me vacation ads.
10. Police: "Why were you speeding?" Me: "I was trying to escape my responsibilities." Police: "They usually catch up anyway."
11. My alarm clock and I have a toxic relationship. It screams at me every morning, and I hit it.
12. Waiter: "How did you find your steak?" Me: "I just looked next to the potatoes."
13. I started exercising every day. Day one... I exercised my right to quit.
14. My friend said, "Life is short." I said, "Mine only feels long on Mondays."
15. I asked my brain to remember something important. It replied, "Best I can do is remember an embarrassing moment from 2017."
2. I asked my dog, "What's two minus two?" He said nothing.
3. My wallet is like an onion. Every time I open it, I cry.
4. Teacher: "If I had 10 chocolates and gave you 5, what would I have?" Student: "A fight."
5. My phone battery lasts longer than my motivation.
6. I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I'm okay... but I feel like I've dyed a little inside.
7. Friend: "Do you ever talk to yourself?" Me: "Yes, sometimes I need expert advice."
8. I cleaned my room and found ₹500. My mom: "See? Cleaning pays." Me: "Then you should do it more often."
9. I told my computer I needed a break. Now it won't stop showing me vacation ads.
10. Police: "Why were you speeding?" Me: "I was trying to escape my responsibilities." Police: "They usually catch up anyway."
11. My alarm clock and I have a toxic relationship. It screams at me every morning, and I hit it.
12. Waiter: "How did you find your steak?" Me: "I just looked next to the potatoes."
13. I started exercising every day. Day one... I exercised my right to quit.
14. My friend said, "Life is short." I said, "Mine only feels long on Mondays."
15. I asked my brain to remember something important. It replied, "Best I can do is remember an embarrassing moment from 2017."