Starryeyed
Newbie
Episode 2: M
After K, nothing serious happened for a long time.
School la oru phase la enakku enoda karate master mela light ah crush irundhuchu — he was a Malayalee. But adhu chumma dhaan. It never became anything.
College dhaan real shift.
Engineering college join pannunen. Hostel. Residential.
First time veetla irundhu dhooram. It was actually exciting. Freedom felt new on my skin. I made good friends. Some friendships still feel warm when I think about them.
First year la communication based ah sections divide panninaanga. English–French group, English–English group.
Third sem la dhaan proper classmates for the next three years. And that’s when I met M.
He was in my class.
Good dancer. Loved multimedia, Photoshop. Annual day na avan stage la iruppaan. Light ah actor Vijay oda saayal... not exact, but enough for people to notice.
One funny thing I observed:
First year la all boys in my class used to talk very well.
Second year la, especially en class la, Malayalee boys girls kitta normal ah pesuvaanga... aana tamil boys direct ah pesa maatanga. Nerla pesa maatanga... but number vaangi message pannuvaanga.
M was one of them.
Oru naal he messaged me.
“Namma class la ellarum olunga pesa aarambikkanum. Ice break panna whole class lunch ku veliya polama?” nu.
We planned a class lunch. Later, culturals ku class T-shirt idea. We coordinated, planned, pushed things. Somehow, things happened when he took initiative.
He once mentioned a girl... R... from his first year. “Friend dhaan,” nu sonnaan.
I believed him. Or maybe I didn’t think enough to question it.
Second year culturals mudinju, it was his birthday.
Editing romba pidikkum nu therinju, I gifted him a multimedia and editing book. Simple gift. Honest thought.
“Yeppo treat?” nu chumma keten.
“Weekend friends ellarum dinner pogalam. Neeyum vaa,” nu sonnaan.
That weekend, I was planning to go home.
Bus stand pakkathula oru hotel la meet pannalam nu sonnan.
Mudichittu avanum oorukku poganum nu sonnaan.
I reached around 6.
Romba early for dinner.
Hotel kitta pogala.
I didn’t even buy anything.
Somewhere inside, I wanted to get him a small gift.
So I started walking in the opposite direction to get something.
And that’s when I saw him... he was coming the other way.
“Enga opposite la pora?” nu kettaan.
“Hotel andha pakkam dhaan irukku.”
I told him, “Unakku edhaavadhu vaangalaam nu.”
He smiled and said,
“Nee annaiki kudutha book ey podhum. Va, polam.”
I asked if his friends had come.
“Varuvaanga,” nu sonnaan.
We reached the hotel.
Nobody was there.
Appo dhaan avan sonnaan... “Avanga vara maatanga. It’s just us.”
He didn’t say it dramatically.
Just casually.
But something shifted inside me.
We had dinner.
Talked.
Laughed.
And then we left.
Leave mudichi hostel thirumba vandha apram, one of my friends stopped me.
“R and M relationship la irukaanga,” nu sonna.
“And she’s telling people you’re trying to snatch her boyfriend.”
The floor dropped.
I went straight and asked her. She said yes... they were together.
I told her calmly, “I have no intention of snatching anyone’s boyfriend.”
And then... I lied. “I’m already in a relationship. My guy is studying in the US.”
I don’t know why I said that. Maybe I was scared. Maybe I wanted to look untouched. Maybe I just wanted the story to end with me standing tall.
I didn’t tell her about the dinner. Not because I was guilty... but because I didn’t owe anyone my truth.
After that day, I never spoke to M again.
Not once.
Final year la, I circulated a slam book.
He wrote:
“After your fight with my girl, you never even looked me in the eye. I felt very bad.”
It wasn’t even a fight.
Today, they’re married. Am happy for them!
Some connections don’t end with closure. They end with silence and years later, probably only I still remember what really happened.
After K, nothing serious happened for a long time.
School la oru phase la enakku enoda karate master mela light ah crush irundhuchu — he was a Malayalee. But adhu chumma dhaan. It never became anything.
College dhaan real shift.
Engineering college join pannunen. Hostel. Residential.
First time veetla irundhu dhooram. It was actually exciting. Freedom felt new on my skin. I made good friends. Some friendships still feel warm when I think about them.
First year la communication based ah sections divide panninaanga. English–French group, English–English group.
Third sem la dhaan proper classmates for the next three years. And that’s when I met M.
He was in my class.
Good dancer. Loved multimedia, Photoshop. Annual day na avan stage la iruppaan. Light ah actor Vijay oda saayal... not exact, but enough for people to notice.
One funny thing I observed:
First year la all boys in my class used to talk very well.
Second year la, especially en class la, Malayalee boys girls kitta normal ah pesuvaanga... aana tamil boys direct ah pesa maatanga. Nerla pesa maatanga... but number vaangi message pannuvaanga.
M was one of them.
Oru naal he messaged me.
“Namma class la ellarum olunga pesa aarambikkanum. Ice break panna whole class lunch ku veliya polama?” nu.
We planned a class lunch. Later, culturals ku class T-shirt idea. We coordinated, planned, pushed things. Somehow, things happened when he took initiative.
He once mentioned a girl... R... from his first year. “Friend dhaan,” nu sonnaan.
I believed him. Or maybe I didn’t think enough to question it.
Second year culturals mudinju, it was his birthday.
Editing romba pidikkum nu therinju, I gifted him a multimedia and editing book. Simple gift. Honest thought.
“Yeppo treat?” nu chumma keten.
“Weekend friends ellarum dinner pogalam. Neeyum vaa,” nu sonnaan.
That weekend, I was planning to go home.
Bus stand pakkathula oru hotel la meet pannalam nu sonnan.
Mudichittu avanum oorukku poganum nu sonnaan.
I reached around 6.
Romba early for dinner.
Hotel kitta pogala.
I didn’t even buy anything.
Somewhere inside, I wanted to get him a small gift.
So I started walking in the opposite direction to get something.
And that’s when I saw him... he was coming the other way.
“Enga opposite la pora?” nu kettaan.
“Hotel andha pakkam dhaan irukku.”
I told him, “Unakku edhaavadhu vaangalaam nu.”
He smiled and said,
“Nee annaiki kudutha book ey podhum. Va, polam.”
I asked if his friends had come.
“Varuvaanga,” nu sonnaan.
We reached the hotel.
Nobody was there.
Appo dhaan avan sonnaan... “Avanga vara maatanga. It’s just us.”
He didn’t say it dramatically.
Just casually.
But something shifted inside me.
We had dinner.
Talked.
Laughed.
And then we left.
Leave mudichi hostel thirumba vandha apram, one of my friends stopped me.
“R and M relationship la irukaanga,” nu sonna.
“And she’s telling people you’re trying to snatch her boyfriend.”
The floor dropped.
I went straight and asked her. She said yes... they were together.
I told her calmly, “I have no intention of snatching anyone’s boyfriend.”
And then... I lied. “I’m already in a relationship. My guy is studying in the US.”
I don’t know why I said that. Maybe I was scared. Maybe I wanted to look untouched. Maybe I just wanted the story to end with me standing tall.
I didn’t tell her about the dinner. Not because I was guilty... but because I didn’t owe anyone my truth.
After that day, I never spoke to M again.
Not once.
Final year la, I circulated a slam book.
He wrote:
“After your fight with my girl, you never even looked me in the eye. I felt very bad.”
It wasn’t even a fight.
Today, they’re married. Am happy for them!
Some connections don’t end with closure. They end with silence and years later, probably only I still remember what really happened.