I thought about you today, but to be fair, there is rarely a day that passes that you don’t cross my mind. You often linger like everything you left behind: the natural glow your aura radiates without any effort, which is my favorite light. Your smile is my favorite sight. And your voice that I can still hear, which I’m grateful for the videos I captured for it to still exist. And then, there are the things that we both loved that feel different now: seeing our favorite artists in concert—after the come down and adrenaline disappears, there’s a deep ache where I feel you because that was our last shared moment together. And the songs I replay to feel you, your favorite comfort shows I badly want to love—but can’t, and in those moments I can hear you laugh.
When I think of you, I also think of everything you would have loved, too. And it hurts because my heart doesn’t understand there is nowhere to send that love anymore. And I hate that memories work like that; they don’t ask permission before bringing you back. It doesn’t care where I am or what I’m doing; once you cross my mind, I don’t want you to leave. And sometimes, I wonder why I met you just to lose you. Why did we cross paths just for me to grieve you. But I have learned not to question the reason because I would hate to even think about who I’d be if I weren’t loved by you, or the version of me that would have existed without knowing you. Because if I had the chance, I would never have chosen to live without you, even if I knew we were living on borrowed time. I would still have chosen to love you for the length of our forever. Because knowing you has changed my life forever, and even in your absence, I still carry you.
When I think of you, I also think of everything you would have loved, too. And it hurts because my heart doesn’t understand there is nowhere to send that love anymore. And I hate that memories work like that; they don’t ask permission before bringing you back. It doesn’t care where I am or what I’m doing; once you cross my mind, I don’t want you to leave. And sometimes, I wonder why I met you just to lose you. Why did we cross paths just for me to grieve you. But I have learned not to question the reason because I would hate to even think about who I’d be if I weren’t loved by you, or the version of me that would have existed without knowing you. Because if I had the chance, I would never have chosen to live without you, even if I knew we were living on borrowed time. I would still have chosen to love you for the length of our forever. Because knowing you has changed my life forever, and even in your absence, I still carry you.
Last edited:
