So I was pondering on my life (because apparantly my brain thinks, it's a philosopher at mid night) and I realized one of the biggest blessings I have… is my memory.
I'm blessed with a good memory (tho sometimes it feels like a curse too). I remember each and everything.
Not just what you said—but how you said it, the tone, the pause, the fake smile, betrayal, compliments.... everything is stored in my mental hard drive with no delete button.
I remember the love one showers on me like a lullaby and I remember the hurt too.
Now here’s the problem(tho working on it) when someone hurts me, forgiving them isn’t exactly on my to do list.
Why?
Because whenever I see them my mind turns into Netflix and hits a flashback play button then says "I guess you forgot how they broke your trust? let's relive in HD"... And then again my mind asks, "So… you're really gonna give them a second chance?" And I, with all due grace, respond: Absolutely not. I don’t let the same snake bite twice--I don't even let it hiss near me again.
I'm not running a rehab for toxic behaviour.
But don't get me wrong this memory helps me to do good in viva (plus point). Professors are out here trying to confuse me, and I’m answering like I wrote the syllabus.
(Note: blessings come with pain.)
One more blessing... no one can calm me down when I'm anxious, you can give me thousands of reasons to tackle the situation but I only let my mind calm me down so I barely depend on anyone for emotional strength....
(Note: I'm not a super human, I too need a hug sometimes but with no support system I just let those moments pass.)
I've been subjected to tests more than any academic exams since childhood so nothing really stresses me except if the thing is about mom... Then it's game over, tears unlocked.
Everything else? background noise.
Hahahaha ok now I'm sleepy yayyyy I'm happy now going to sleep GN
I'm blessed with a good memory (tho sometimes it feels like a curse too). I remember each and everything.
Not just what you said—but how you said it, the tone, the pause, the fake smile, betrayal, compliments.... everything is stored in my mental hard drive with no delete button.
I remember the love one showers on me like a lullaby and I remember the hurt too.
Now here’s the problem(tho working on it) when someone hurts me, forgiving them isn’t exactly on my to do list.
Why?
Because whenever I see them my mind turns into Netflix and hits a flashback play button then says "I guess you forgot how they broke your trust? let's relive in HD"... And then again my mind asks, "So… you're really gonna give them a second chance?" And I, with all due grace, respond: Absolutely not. I don’t let the same snake bite twice--I don't even let it hiss near me again.
I'm not running a rehab for toxic behaviour.
But don't get me wrong this memory helps me to do good in viva (plus point). Professors are out here trying to confuse me, and I’m answering like I wrote the syllabus.
(Note: blessings come with pain.)
One more blessing... no one can calm me down when I'm anxious, you can give me thousands of reasons to tackle the situation but I only let my mind calm me down so I barely depend on anyone for emotional strength....
(Note: I'm not a super human, I too need a hug sometimes but with no support system I just let those moments pass.)
I've been subjected to tests more than any academic exams since childhood so nothing really stresses me except if the thing is about mom... Then it's game over, tears unlocked.
Everything else? background noise.
Hahahaha ok now I'm sleepy yayyyy I'm happy now going to sleep GN
