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The Cliff’s Edge
There’s a moment—one that I don’t think people talk about enough—when sadness stops feeling like an emotion and starts feeling like a place.
A place you live in.
A place you wake up to.
A place you don’t leave, no matter how much light filters through the window.
I had reached that place.
I wasn’t crying. Not every day. I wasn’t screaming or breaking things.
No, despair doesn’t need drama. It’s much quieter than that. It sits inside you, quietly hollowing out everything that once held meaning.
I started thinking thoughts I never thought I would.
Not that I wanted to die - just that I didn’t want to keep living like this.
It felt like standing on the edge of something dark and endless. Not quite fallen, but not far from it either. And in that moment- strangely - what I wanted most wasn’t saving.
It was someone to notice.
Just notice.
So I tried, one last time, to reach out.
It wasn’t a dramatic plea. Just a small message to someone who once said they cared.
“Hey. I’ve been feeling really off lately. I don’t know how to explain it, but I think I’m struggling.”
I stared at it for a long time before hitting send. My hands were trembling. My throat dry.
Then I waited.
And waited.
The reply came hours later. One line. Casual. Dismissive.
“Aw, don’t overthink it. You’re strong, you’ll be fine
”
That emoji burned.
It was meant kindly, I’m sure. But it felt like a slap. Like my pain had been wrapped up in a cliché and tossed aside.
What I needed was someone to pause. To ask. To stay.
What I got was encouragement disguised as invalidation.
Later that night, I sat in the dark. No music. No lights. Just the sound of the ceiling fan and my heartbeat thudding like an echo in an empty hallway.
And I realized…
I had stood at the cliff’s edge.
I had dared to whisper, “I’m not okay.”
And the world had replied, “You’ll be fine.”
So I stopped whispering.
Ashes and After : 3 The Disappearing Act
Previous Chapter: https://www.chatzozo.com/forum/threads/ashes-and-after-2.60940/ _______________________________ The Disappearing Act I didn’t plan to fade. It just… happened. Slowly. Almost invisibly. One skipped call turned into five. One declined invitation turned into months of no plans...
www.chatzozo.com
The Cliff’s Edge
There’s a moment—one that I don’t think people talk about enough—when sadness stops feeling like an emotion and starts feeling like a place.
A place you live in.
A place you wake up to.
A place you don’t leave, no matter how much light filters through the window.
I had reached that place.
I wasn’t crying. Not every day. I wasn’t screaming or breaking things.
No, despair doesn’t need drama. It’s much quieter than that. It sits inside you, quietly hollowing out everything that once held meaning.
I started thinking thoughts I never thought I would.
Not that I wanted to die - just that I didn’t want to keep living like this.
It felt like standing on the edge of something dark and endless. Not quite fallen, but not far from it either. And in that moment- strangely - what I wanted most wasn’t saving.
It was someone to notice.
Just notice.
So I tried, one last time, to reach out.
It wasn’t a dramatic plea. Just a small message to someone who once said they cared.
“Hey. I’ve been feeling really off lately. I don’t know how to explain it, but I think I’m struggling.”
I stared at it for a long time before hitting send. My hands were trembling. My throat dry.
Then I waited.
And waited.
The reply came hours later. One line. Casual. Dismissive.
“Aw, don’t overthink it. You’re strong, you’ll be fine
”That emoji burned.
It was meant kindly, I’m sure. But it felt like a slap. Like my pain had been wrapped up in a cliché and tossed aside.
What I needed was someone to pause. To ask. To stay.
What I got was encouragement disguised as invalidation.
Later that night, I sat in the dark. No music. No lights. Just the sound of the ceiling fan and my heartbeat thudding like an echo in an empty hallway.
And I realized…
I had stood at the cliff’s edge.
I had dared to whisper, “I’m not okay.”
And the world had replied, “You’ll be fine.”
So I stopped whispering.
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am too heavy to fly lol
