Why is it I have all this pain within me, the pain that comes with abandonment, betrayal, the pain that comes with loneliness... The want for something to just simply go right. The promise of another that they will love and cherish you, and be by your side to then only be thrown in the friend zone or ghosted?
Was it to much to ask to be adopted by a loving and supporting family? Was it to much to be loved by someone, to be happy and content in a relationship?
Isn't that was humans desire? The basic necessity and needs to be accepted and understood by that one person, who claims to love you above all else?
Or am I just a dumbass for wearing my heart on my sleeve? Am that exception to everyone else that doesn't deserve in the slightest what everyone else wants?
I see friends getting into relationships, getting married or starting a family... I see my own cousins going through the same motions... Yet I'm here alone, stuck within the same four walls, within the confines of my own mind... Am I not allowed to have a love or crush like Clark Kent, or Peter Parker? Am I not allowed to have the desire of someone to hold my hand, or hug me?
Man I can't even remember the last time I was hugged, you know that kind of hug that makes you feel like the weight on your shoulders has been lifted... the kind of hug that says everything is ok...
I can write all these poems, or stories about love or interests, or even desires... and yet people ask how can you write like that? It's so good, it's relatable... I don't know, what I write feels like it's fake, like a lie.
A lie to myself and everyone else... How can I write honestly and truly about something that I've next experienced in the realms of love, when I simple desire like holding hands with someone has never been met... Like what does it feel like have to have the love of your life interlock their fingers with yours as you walk down the street?
I watch all these movies or tv shows, or read all these books that have some kind 'love/romantic scenes in and I freeze, or pause... or just stare and I think, I want that... I want to feel that... experience that...
But I don't think I ever will... in fact I honestly believe I won't find love until I'm on my death bed.
It seems like I have a lot of pain, frustration, and who knows what other emotions built up inside of me, that I don't know what to do with, or how to process...
A lot of pain... within...
Was it to much to ask to be adopted by a loving and supporting family? Was it to much to be loved by someone, to be happy and content in a relationship?
Isn't that was humans desire? The basic necessity and needs to be accepted and understood by that one person, who claims to love you above all else?
Or am I just a dumbass for wearing my heart on my sleeve? Am that exception to everyone else that doesn't deserve in the slightest what everyone else wants?
I see friends getting into relationships, getting married or starting a family... I see my own cousins going through the same motions... Yet I'm here alone, stuck within the same four walls, within the confines of my own mind... Am I not allowed to have a love or crush like Clark Kent, or Peter Parker? Am I not allowed to have the desire of someone to hold my hand, or hug me?
Man I can't even remember the last time I was hugged, you know that kind of hug that makes you feel like the weight on your shoulders has been lifted... the kind of hug that says everything is ok...
I can write all these poems, or stories about love or interests, or even desires... and yet people ask how can you write like that? It's so good, it's relatable... I don't know, what I write feels like it's fake, like a lie.
A lie to myself and everyone else... How can I write honestly and truly about something that I've next experienced in the realms of love, when I simple desire like holding hands with someone has never been met... Like what does it feel like have to have the love of your life interlock their fingers with yours as you walk down the street?
I watch all these movies or tv shows, or read all these books that have some kind 'love/romantic scenes in and I freeze, or pause... or just stare and I think, I want that... I want to feel that... experience that...
But I don't think I ever will... in fact I honestly believe I won't find love until I'm on my death bed.
It seems like I have a lot of pain, frustration, and who knows what other emotions built up inside of me, that I don't know what to do with, or how to process...
A lot of pain... within...
